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Across

  1. A party of elite prostitutes of Moscow
  2. The name of a slow-food restaurant
  3. An uninteresting piece of news
  4. Sexual attraction to a remote control unit

Down

  1. A slow ambulance
  2. A distant relative of Ciliophora
  3. An analogue of something that has no analogues
  4. The name of an energy drink for cosmonauts